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23 August 2010 @ 06:59 pm
hello blog. long time no rant. unfortunately, i can never think of anything awesome to post here, and the only time i get any inspiration to post here is when i'm absolutely pissed off. so it's no shocker that i'm pissed off again right. now. on a happy note, i got accepted to med camp next summer. i'm really proud if i do say so myself. unfortunately, i'm 99.999% sure that i'm not going because i can't afford it and my mom isn't about to pay for it. it's like 2,600 dollars so yeah, probablydefinitely not going. oh well.

but what really is getting under my skin right now is the fact that i just got a car that i can't drive anywhere. like, i'm excited that i got a car and all, but what?!?!?!?! i am paying for gas and insurance because i just got a job (which is really cool too) so uhhh, dad, why the fack can't i drive the car wherever the heck i want? i mean, i paid a hundred dollars for a parking spot at school so it just makes sense that i would be able to drive to school right? WRONG, apparently. i'm not allowed to drive to school at all! and you know what? my job is like two seconds away from my house, so what's the point of even having a car at all? it's not like it's even worth the money to pay for the insurance if i'm going to go through a tank of gas every three weeks.

but yeah, i did get a job. woohoo! i am now officially working as a physical therapy tech at a PT office about five minutes from my house. my first day alone is tomorrow night so i'm kind of scared that something bad is going to happen and i'm going to look like an idiot. so yeah, hopefully nothing bad happens. school starts wednesday, and the thought of that makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come out. i'm taking 2 AP classes this year and since i'm probably going to be stuck riding the bus for a good portion of the year, chances are i'm not going to have much time to do homework before work. i work from 5-8 soooo hopefully i'm not too exhausted when i get home to do homework. otherwise i will be screwed. so yeah, that's about it. i feel way better now having ranted about this. still pissed the fuck off, but better at least.
Current Mood: angryangry
28 April 2010 @ 08:47 pm
why is it never enough?
Current Location: bedroom.
Current Mood: sicksick
Current Music: like a virgin covered by the glee cast
13 April 2010 @ 10:59 pm
now i know what you're thinking: "oh god, not lauren complaining again," but who better to better to vent to than the millions of people surfing the black hole of the web? i feel like i'm just really sad again. i don't know if aunt flo is coming for a visit or what, but i just can't seem to get myself out of this constant, overwhelming mood of sadness. i feel like one half of my friends i've broken away from to be with this new group who don't really even know how to be good friends. i miss my old ones, but i feel like things are too broken to fix. every time i go to school, i sit with my one of my best friends, someone i've known since third grade when we met in ETC because our parents both worked past the time that school let out. we didn't start becoming good friends until fourth grade, but ever since we've been best friends. we sort of drifted last year when i started hanging out more and more with my new friends, just because i thought they were so cool. i just had to be apart of their group, and looking back on it now, i'm not sure why. i mean, they're not even nice.

every group of friends has a leader figure, including mine. we'll call her anna. i'm probably the least important one in the group. when my other friend and i were in a fight, i even said that i feel like they like me the least because they've known me not as long (which is not true because i've known one of them since sixth grade and the other since like third or fourth). she didn't say, "come on lauren, we like you equally." instead, i got a "oh, well i'd understand that." it just made me totally sad. anyways, anna knows she's the leader. i think you just always know when you have that hold over someone, and anna has always been that way. lately though, it's gotten worse. she talks shit about all of us behind each other's backs but somehow, she always seems to end up on top and looking like the good guy. i honestly don't get it. i know all the rest of us get pissed off at her but nobody is willing to come out and say that sometimes she acts like a total bitch, because somehow the one that actually sticks up for everyone else will look like the bad guy in the end. that's how my group of friends are. if i were to say something to either of them, it would somehow get back to her, or if i were to stick up for us and say what we're all thinking, they'd pick her side over mine. i can't fucking win and it just makes me want to cry.

i miss the days when things were simple, and when i was happy. i want those days back, because i honestly feel just so alone and miserable.
sorry for the heavy mood again, i just don't feel very happy as of late.
oh god. i am so incredibly sick of my mother going through menopause. really. i mean, she was in a permanently bad mood before, but now it just seems ten times worse. isn't it just the worst when you're in a bad mood and your mother keeps bothering you to tell her about it, and then when you say no she just thinks you're mad at her? GOD. i am so sick of it. we get into these fights all the time because she doesn't know how to just leave me the hell alone. i'm not a happy person anymore by any means, and you'd think she'd understand that after sixteen years of raising me. even if i was happy before, i'm a teenager now. my ma seems to think that i think everything is about me, which i can understand. i'll admit that i do talk about myself more than not, and i've been trying to work on it, but she doesn't seem to understand that she's sometimes the root of the problem. i have a hard time admitting i'm wrong, yeah, but that doesn't mean that every argument we get into is my fault. it's just irritating, and i honestly think i hate her. now i know what you're going to say: "lauren, how can you say that about your mother?!" i just do. she's completely impossible to live with, and i understand why none of her relationships last. she's just a bitch. honestly. she's just one of those people that you can never fucking please, no matter how hard you try.

which leads me to rant about why i'm upset. do you ever wish you could just crawl up in bed and sleep away your sadness? it's just been one of those weeks for me. i'm pretty certain that my friends are talking about me behind my back, and i just learned yesterday that my great-grandma probably has only a few days left to live. not that we were close (she doesn't even remember my brothers or me), but it's still sad to lose someone like that. my friend, we'll call her leigh, the one who pretty much cut me out of the group the first time because i apparently was the only person talking shit about her, which i wasn't. look back to my first entry, i've already admitted to being wrong by talking about her. anyways, she's been being a bitch to me for no reason lately, which leads me to believe that she's still not over what i did. it's just put me into this permanently awful mood, making me want to cry all day, all the time, just because i feel like i don't really have anybody to turn to. i really wish, beyond anything, that i had a friend i could trust well enough in order to tell them all this. but alas, that's what i have you for, lovely blog. when i'm feeling just completely and utterly sad, i can turn to you and pour out my heart. so i'll leave you with that. luckily spring break is only a day away so i can enjoy the peace and quiet of my home without my mom, brother, or friends around to remind me of just how sad and unwanted i feel.
Current Mood: sadsad
03 March 2010 @ 10:03 pm
wow. not gonna lie, i totally forgot about this for like seven days. i guess there just really isn't much to talk about lately. i've been crazy exhausted and sidetracked by everything else going on in my life. i do have something to complain about real quick though (mostly because complaining is something i'm super skilled at). did you ever notice that even though your parents or even you can pay for your schooling, whether it be public or private school, and you're still stuck paying for useless field trips and books and all kinds of school things, half of which you'll never even use? i know the feeling. thirteen dollars isn't a whole lot of money, but when it comes down to paying for roller skating and DDR in school (which are both apparently units that we simply HAVE to do in gym), it becomes almost ridiculous.

i'm literally about to fall asleep right now. if this didn't even make sense, that's whyy fellows of mine.
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
23 February 2010 @ 07:54 pm
do you guys ever have that one class in school that you can absolutely not stand? i know the feeling. ap economics is literally the most difficult class i've ever taken and while i'm lucky to pass that class with high Ds and Cs, i'm used to getting As. I recently got a fifty eight percent on my last test in that class, and luckily i was sick from school because i'm sure i probably would have started crying right there in class. fortunately, i thought i was going to get an even lower score than that, so i was at least somewhat relieved.

well, at least i'm sure of one thing. i cannot wait until this school year and class are OVER. i never thought it was that bad before, but with less than a semester left of the school year, i'm dreading it just thinking about it. if anybody reads this blog (whichhh i doubt), what are some of your good study tips? i can never bring myself to get into the textbook which is one of my big downfalls i think.

now i'm going to take a really random steer in the opposite direction and just mention how much i truly love writing. i've been a happy online role player for about five years now, but there's a downfall to it too. i can't seem to bring myself to write a novel, simply because now i'm so used to relying on other people and characters left up to other peoples' imaginations that my brain is basically fried when it comes to that sort of thing. it makes me sad, really, but what can i do? i always thought it would be really interesting to do a co-written book with the parts involving one author's characters written by them and the parts involving my characters written out by me. sounds like a cool idea, yeahhh?

well, i'm going to leave you all with a really cute video of my baby brother. he's walking noww, yay!

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: hide and seek by imogen heap
20 February 2010 @ 09:20 am
why are my friends so shitty?
Current Mood: sadsad
19 February 2010 @ 10:19 pm
seriously. i do. i thought his performance on thursday was absolutely brilliant. i was seriously SO nervous when we were waiting to hear plushenko's scores, i just about covered my eyes when they announced them. he looked pissed but whatever. guess you're not going to live up to dick button. oh well. (: he had a nice skate, anyways. he stumbled on a few jumps and landed the quad. that was lucky for him, or else he wouldn't have been able to complain that evan won without the quad after he got the silver medal. in my opinion, evan had the better routine so i thought he deserved the gold. his routine was nearly flawless and it was smooth and with neat footwork. plushenko's was great too, but it wasn't on the same level as evan's.

anyways, happy friday! soo glad it's the weekend. the other day my school had a pep assembly for all the spring sports and our senior guys poms performed. i taped it on my camera, only to realize when i got home that i forgot to format my card. so basically, i lost it. ): hopefully when my friend sends me a copy of hers over email i'll post it up on youtube and show it to you guys! if not, then just know it was pretty hilarious.

unfortunately, i have to go. not sure if i'm going to have to get up at seven tomorrow morning to watch my baby brother or not, but it's ten and i want to at least try and catch up on all the sleep i lost this week because of these damn olympics. (;

Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: hallelujah cover by justin timberlake and matt morris
17 February 2010 @ 11:02 pm
i think it's safe to say that i'm unhealthily obsessed with watching the olympics. the olympics are pretty much all i've watched for three days straight. it's actually kind of sick! i've seen pretty much everything, from the most boring sports *cough*the luge*cough* to the most exciting (everything else, except that stupid ski sprint thing. wtf.) i think i'll literally cry myself to sleep tomorrow night if evan lysacek doesn't win gold for men's figure skating. i've had just about enough of that asshole russian man (evgeni plushenko for those of you who are still 2010 olympic virgins) and all his cockiness.

even if evan doesn't win, we still have johnny weir's performance to look forward to. i swear to god that he's the cutest dude i've ever seen, in a feminine way. i personally loved his outfit the other night, so all of you who are calling him a fag and gay can go suck it. (:

with thattt, i'm out. it's too late for me to be uppp, i've still got school tomorrow. die die dieee, school.

later sk8rs.

Current Location: boom boom in the bedroom
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
Current Music: the hum of my computer.
12 February 2010 @ 01:31 pm
welll, it seems like life as a sixteen year old really hates me. i hate to ramble on about cameras AGAIN but holy moses, this new one that i ordered sucks so badly. seriously. if you ever feel in the mood to buy a polaroid i1237, DON'T. it takes awful, awful pictures. almost like cellphone quality bad. i'd show you a picture except i took it this morning when i was makeupless and i look awfulll, so i'm not going to. i guess i'm just stuck buying a brand new one. ): which is semi-good i guess. at least i know it won't be too shitty. GAHHH life sucks sometimes. but HEY, also good news, now i'll actually be able to buy a camera case and this is spinal tap with my best buy giftcard, which i've been wanting to buy for a while. the camera case is obviously so i don't sit on my camera again with my fat ass and don't ask me why i want the movie. probably because it's the shit. <3 anywayss. these seem to keep getting shorter and shorter. guess my life is just really uneventful! hopefully i'll be able to return my crappy new camera and order another one like the one that broke by tomorrow night. if not, then expect ANOTHER complaint post.

later y'all,
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Current Music: tubthumping by chumbawamba